what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize