I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize