$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize