I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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