No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize