Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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