Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
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What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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