WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize