I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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