some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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