Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize