saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize