Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize