Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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