i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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