Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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