Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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