So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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