I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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