Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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