the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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