This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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