I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My vagina is very pro this idea
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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