Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize