I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize