I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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