So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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