They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
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Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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