I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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