dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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