I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize