Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So. Much. Porn.
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