Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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