I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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