She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My vagina is very pro this idea
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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