Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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