My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize