Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize