yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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