I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize