I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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