Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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