I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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