He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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