My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We named our party play list daddy issues
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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