i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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