Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize