So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize