At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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