I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
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You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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